Waldy Diez

Multimedia journalist and producer

The 10 people you’ll find at a college party

By Waldy Diez (USA Today College) – You’ve been to them. And they’re either great or downright horrible. That’s right — I’m talking about college parties.

You meet all sorts of people at them. Whether it’s the person who won’t get off their phone, the person trying to do keg stands or the “woo!” girls trying to get everybody to take shots, you’ve more than likely come across these characters:

1. THE SCAVENGER

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“The scavenger is that kid who’s always looking for whatever’s out there.” — Rachel Lang

There’s always that one person scheming on food, alcohol and/or the comfiest seat in the house. If you’re ever wondering where all of the refreshments went, you can probably point fingers at the scavenger as they are the most likely culprit.

2. DRUNK PAPARAZZI

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“It’s that person wants to get pictures with literally everybody. But they have to do it before they look bad because you look really good at the beginning of the night and, by the end of the night, you probably look like a cave troll.” — Summer Bedard

We’ve all been there before. You become obsessed with taking pictures of anything and everything. If by the end of the night or next morning, you wonder why there’s no space left on your phone, it’s probably because you have a ton of photos in your camera roll.

3. THE “DUDE BRO”

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“He’s obnoxious. He graduated five years ago; why’s he still here?” — Collin Brennan

Ah, the infamous “dude bro” or typical frat guy who graduated and keeps coming back to troll the girls. He’s probably hanging out with the football team or other frat guys and will more than likely be the first in line to do a keg stand.

4. THE DRINKING GAMES “EXPERT”

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“The drinking game buff who always tries to bring new drinking games to the table to try to impress people.” — Matthew Schneidman

This self-proclaimed “expert” will bring the most difficult, new drinking game to the table. But of course he or she will probably be too drunk to properly explain this new game to you.

5. THE PLAYLIST HIJACKER

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“They are the person who always has better taste than everyone else and they will come over and check out every single song on your list.” — Mairead McArdle

This person may think he or she has superior taste and is constantly changing the music. This person usually ends up making everybody mad by switching a song that everybody is jamming out to. If the party is fully engulfed in a Don’t Stop Believin’ sing-along, you don’t change the song. Just don’t.

6. THE SLEEPER

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“[This is] someone who just gets to the party and passes out two shots in.” — Summer Bedard

The Sleeper probably didn’t want to even go to the party in the first place, but got dragged out by a group of friends anyway. This person goes just to placate the group, but secretly wishes he or she stayed in bed with Netflix.

7. THAT AWKWARD COUPLE

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“They just stand in the corner and don’t socialize with anyone.” — Waldy Diez

You’ve seen them. Or maybe you’ve heard them. This couple will show up, say hello and immediately seclude themselves to a corner of the room. They’re sickeningly lovey-dovey and everybody wishes they would just get a room. Oh, and God forbid they get separated. Slight separation anxiety will kick in and there will be a panicked girl in the room.

8. THE AWKWARD DANCER

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“[He or she] makes the awkward bar mitzvah/bat mitzvah dance moves, but makes them look really classy at the same time.”  — Isaac Teich

I.e. the person who thinks they are the best dancer on the face of the Earth. Everybody will be staring at this person because he or she takes over the dance floor and just doesn’t care.

9. THE DRUNK PHILOSOPHER

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“The guy who sits on the couch and is way too drunk to move. He just starts thinking about the world.” — Matthew Schneidman

He starts talking to you about some conspiracy theory and you believe every word he’s saying! He just sounds so smart, but then again, you’re probably drunk too.

10. THE LURKER

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“Somehow, they’re always behind you saying, ‘Why, fancy meeting you here.’ But is it really fancy meeting them there?” — Rachel Lang

Try as you might to get away from the creepy person constantly hitting on you, it’s just not possible. This person is everywhere. He might pull a “How you doin’?” on you, but it doesn’t work because he’s not Joey Tribbiani.

Matthew Schneidman, Summer Berdad, Waldy Diez, Collin Brennan, Rachel Lang and Mairead McArdle is a summer 2015 USA TODAY interns.
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